


Unfair

by FrostyFlip



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, Talking, deshaun if you squint, sad!desmond, the result of a sleepless night and altmal feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:20:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23680708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostyFlip/pseuds/FrostyFlip
Summary: “Have you ever missed someone you haven’t actually met?” Desmond then asked, into the open air. Shaun frowned at that and snapped his head in the direction of the American.“What are you talking about?” he asked, his words coming out a bit harsher than what he actually intended. Desmond pulled his shoulders into a shrug.“It’s just that...When I was Altair-” He was immediately cut off by Shaun’s voice.“You never actually were Altair, you know,” Shaun said, worry swimming in his eyes.___________OR; Desmond is feeling down because of reasons. Shaun talks to him.
Relationships: Malik Al-Sayf/Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad, Shaun Hastings/Desmond Miles
Comments: 7
Kudos: 155





	Unfair

**Author's Note:**

> i'm considering making this into either a deshaun multichapter or series but i'm not sure. what do you think?
> 
> also please excuse any typo's. I wasn't completely awake when i proof read it.  
> anyway, hope you like it!

Desmond was acting weird. And not his usual overly curious asking-too-many-questions weird. He was acting actually weird and none of them really understood why. 

Shaun was sitting at his desk with his head in his hand watching Desmond’s still body in the Animus. The hall was silent apart from the clicking of Lucy’s keyboard. They’d been at the Auditore Villa for a little over a week now and were slowly getting settled. Well, as settled as you can be when you’re living in a sleeping bag and hiding from a giant organization wanting to kill you. Desmond, however, didn’t seem to be settling. At all. Ever since they arrived here, he had become distant and seemed distracted whenever he was out of the Animus. When Shaun thought about it had started way before they left the warehouse. He didn’t really notice at first and when he did, he kind of just brushed it off as Desmond being tired after long sessions in the Animus but then Lucy started an email thread about it and Shaun started noticing it all the time. Desmond wouldn’t participate much in any conversations and whenever he was asked a question, he would give short and vast replies. He starting going straight to bed when he came out of the Animus and when he didn’t do that he would go outside, saying that he needed some fresh air and then he would stay out there for hours before coming back in. While the Italian town was charming, Shaun couldn’t see how it could keep anyone entertained for so long, for so many nights so he couldn’t imagine that Desmond was doing any sightseeing. Before Shaun could think any more of it, Rebecca’s voice cut through the silence. 

“He’s coming out of it,” 

And sure enough, moments later the American started stirring and soon he was sitting up, stretching to get his muscles going. 

“How are you feeling?” Shaun heard Lucy ask. Desmond stood up and shook his legs a few times. 

“I’m okay,” was all he said, as a crack could be heard from his neck when he bended it. Again, with the short replies. 

Before anyone else could ask him anything else, he turned towards the exit. 

“I need some fresh air. I’m going for a walk,” he said, as he disappeared through the door. Silence fell over the 3 assassins once again. After a while the clicking of keyboard filled the air and the girls went back to working. While the emails were okay, none of them were actually comfortable talking about it out loud, afraid that Desmond might hear. 

Shaun looked at the door opening for a while before deciding that he should probably get some work in. After one last glance towards the door he turned around and started clicking away at the keyboard. 

\--- 

“Shit, what time is it?” 

Shaun almost jumped out of his chair when Lucy suddenly spoke up. He had been deeply engaged in a very interesting document about the rise and fall of the roman empire and resisted the urge to send Lucy a death glare. Before anyone could answer Lucy apparently figured out the time herself, because she sighed and turned towards the door opening that Desmond has left out of hours ago. 

“The sun will be up soon, someone needs to go get him,” she said as she glanced at her computer. Shaun knew that look. She was in the middle of something very important which meant- 

Shaun couldn’t even think the thought to an end before Lucy turned to him. 

“Shaun, could you go find him? I’m in the middle of something very important,” she said. Shaun sighed, dramatically before standing up. 

“You know, you’re not the only one who’s work is very important, Lucy,” he said, as he grabbed his jacked off his chair and started walking towards the exit. 

“I’ll have you know that I was in the middle of reading a very interesting article that could’ve provided critical information to our work but I guess we won’t ever find out now, will we Lucy?” Shaun ranted. 

“Thank you, Shaun,” Shaun heard Lucy yell, after he disappeared through the door. Shaun rolled his eyes and pulled his jacked tighter around him as a gush of wind hit him through the doorway. It was a cold night. How Desmond had managed to stay out this long, Shaun had no idea. He walked outside and scanned the area but Desmond was nowhere to be found. Shaun groaned. He was by no means in the mood to walk around town looking for an American idiot. 

“Desmond?” he called out and wasn’t really surprised when he didn’t get an answer. 

“Desmond?” He tried again, and was again met by silence. The bloody bastard better not be far away, Shaun thought as a low grumble left his lips. He was just about to call again when he turned around. 

Desmond was sitting on the edge of the roof of the villa. He was leaned back and had his face turned towards the sky, with his eyes closed. Shaun stood there looking at him, debating whether to yell at him for not replying when he yelled or climb up there to ask him politely. Seeing as Lucy had asked him to be nicer to the man, he decided on the latter. 

With a little more difficulty than he would’ve liked he climbed up and made his way towards the other man, being careful not to slip and fall. 

“Hey,” he said, making Desmond sit up and look at him. When he got there, he sat down next to the other man with a small groan that he really wished didn't come out of him. 

“Hey,” Desmond said, when Shaun was seated. 

“It’s not long until sunrise,” Shaun said, nodding towards the still dark sky. “You have to go inside,” 

Desmond sighed and turned his head back towards the sky. “I know,” he said. This annoyed Shaun a lot more than it should’ve and under normal circumstances he would’ve called Desmond out for being an asshole. But not this time. Instead he decided on trying to finally get some answers. 

“Okay, what’s wrong with you, mate? You’ve been moping around for weeks now,” He said. This seemed to catch Desmond off guard as his eyes widened for a second before falling to the ground. He didn’t reply right away, letting an uncomfortable silence fill the space between them. Shaun sat there with his face turned to Desmond, waiting for him to say something. Eventually Shaun let his eyes drop to the same spot as Desmond’s eyes, as he considered just dragging the other man off the roof so he could get back inside and out of this cold. 

“Have you ever missed someone you haven’t actually met?” Desmond then asked, into the open air. Shaun frowned at that and snapped his head in the direction of the American. 

“What are you talking about?” he asked, his words coming out a bit harsher than what he actually intended. Desmond pulled his shoulders into a shrug. 

“It’s just that...When I was Altair-” He was immediately cut off by Shaun’s voice. 

“You never actually were Altair, you know,” Shaun said, worry swimming in his eyes. He could only imagine how confusing it must be to run around in different timelines as someone who weren’t even you only to wake up in your own timeline and having to sort out your ancestor's memories from your own. But he also knew how the bleeding effect could fuck up a person so he was always on edge when Desmond showed signs of this confusion. They all were. 

“You simply... played through his memories. Remember that,” Shaun continued, eyes scanning Desmond’s face for his reaction. Desmond simply sighed and closed his eyes to think for a minute. 

“I know,” he then said as he let a hand run over his face. He leaned back to support himself on his hands and continued talking while gazing up at the stars. 

“When I was playing through Altair’s memories some of them were pretty... intimate,” He said the word slowly, as if to taste it and make sure it was the right one. Shaun raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Desmond, if you’re talking about sex, I swear to god...” He said, eyes narrowing. He knew that when they were going deep into the memories of someone’s ancestor they were bound to run into some stuff along the way. Heck he had even seen some of this stuff along the way himself. 

“I’m not talking about sex!” Desmond sighed. “Or well... I guess I am in a way... Or... No, I’m not talking about sex,” he decided and looked at Shaun. “I’m not,” he said and Shaun wasn’t sure if it was to convince himself or Shaun. Non the less, he decided to stay quiet for the time being. 

Desmond was quiet as well, opening and closing his mouth as if he couldn’t decide on how to start the next sentence. At last he turned his eyes back towards the sky and just spoke. 

“As I was playing through the memories, I realized that I wasn’t only watching the memories but... Feeling them as well, if that makes sense?” He asked. Shaun nodded. It made sense. They already knew that, that was part of it. Hence, the bleeding effect. Desmond continued. 

“Anyway, whenever Altair would feel something – it being him being stabbed or feeling hatred, anger or love...” Desmond trailed off and Shaun could almost see him cringe at his own words. “I would feel it as well. It’s the same with Ezio!” he then finished, as if it would make Shaun understand better. 

“Which means that, whenever he and Malik were together, all of the feelings-” 

“Hold on,” Shaun interrupted. That didn’t sound right. “I thought Altair was married to that Templar girl? Maria something?” 

Shaun obviously wasn’t an expert on the life of Altair as he wasn’t assigned that particular timeline but he had been briefed on anything he needed to know and Malik being anything other than Altair’s right hand man wasn’t a part of the documents delivered to him. 

Desmond sighed at this. 

“He was,” he simply said. 

“But he was in love with Malik instead of her?” Shaun asked, confusion still roaming his face. Desmond shook his head. 

“No, he loved her. I think,” He said. “I think he was a bit unsure at times but ultimately I think he did love her.” 

“But he loved Malik too?” Shaun asked. Desmond nodded. 

“Like, he did feel something for Maria and some of that was definitely love but... whenever he was with Malik his heart just kind of... swelled, you know? Like there wasn't a doubt in his mind that this was a person that he would do anything for.” As he spoke, Desmond laid a clutched fist on his own chest as if to indicate how a swelling of the heart might feel. Shaun just nodded along to the story, unable to find the right thing to say at a moment like this. 

"I don’t know, maybe it had something to with the guilt Altair felt about basically getting Kadar killed and Malik losing his arm. He never really forgave himself for that, you know...” Desmond trailed off for a second and gave a pained expression to the stars before continuing. 

“The first few times it was rough. Sometimes it would grow out of a fight or it would be the adrenalin pumping through Altair’s body after a mission needing to be released and he would just grab Malik and fuck him right there over the counter.” Shaun almost choked out loud at that. He watched as Desmond’s fist tightened and dropped from his chest to his lap. His face changed into an almost angry expression and Shaun couldn’t tell if he was angry with Altair or himself. At second thought, it was probably both. Shaun was just about to open his mouth to remind Desmond once again that he wasn’t Altair and that he shouldn’t - and couldn’t - hold himself responsible for his actions but then Desmond spoke up again. 

“Over time however, it became softer and Altair grew more tender. Their kisses became longer, their fights became shorter until eventually they stopped fighting altogether and Altair grew very protective of Malik. Whenever they kissed or fucked, he would always have his arms completely wrapped around Malik as if he would escape if he let go.” A small smile played at Desmond’s lips as he fell quiet. His eyes became distant as memories of his ancestor flashed through his mind 

Shaun lifted a hand to put on Desmond’s shoulder as he let out a quiet ‘Desmond’ to try and snap Desmond out of it. His hand, however, barely touched Demond’s before it was shrugged off. Desmond’s gaze had hardened again as if he remembered that he wasn’t supposed to put himself in his ancestor’s shoes. His story continued. 

“Anyway, after that Altair did anything, he could to keep Malik close to him. When he became Mentor, he made Malik his right hand, made sure that Malik could stay with him in Masyaf and pretty much never made a decision without Malik. Not long after he married Maria and had his children but he never ever stopped loving Malik and that... That’s what I felt. Feel.” Desmond fell quiet as he fiddled with the rim of his sweatshirt almost looking a little embarrassed to have told Shaun all that. Shaun was quiet as well and it took some time for him to remember how to speak. He furrowed his brows as he carefully began talking. 

“Desmond... I understand that it’s hard but... However real those feelings feel they’re just the memories of your ancestor and you don’t have to-” Shaun was cut off by Desmond’s angry voice. 

“No, Shaun, you don’t understand!” He snapped. “I have lived through every memory just as much as Altair have. I’ve felt every touch, every kiss, every fuck! I’ve experienced all the love and all the guilt and all the hate and it was so fucking intense and it felt just as fucking real as it did to Altair and I know that it isn’t my memories but I fucking miss him, Shaun!” At this point Desmond was nearly yelling, his face scrunched up in an expression that made Shaun think he was about to cry. Shaun couldn’t help but cringe a little at the loudness of Desmond’s yells. However frustrated Desmond was, they were still hiding and it was still very important that they remained hidden. The same thought must’ve hit Desmond because he quieted down after that. 

“I miss Malik and I know that’s fucked up because they’re not my memories and I wasn’t the one who loved him and I wasn’t the one that he loved and he’s fucking dead, Shaun. He’s fucking dead and has been for like a thousand years!” Desmond threw his arms into the air before falling back to lie flat on his back with his arms over his face. If Shaun didn’t know better, he’d say that is was to hide his tears. 

“And now I can feel the same thing happening with Ezio and it’s fucking with my head!” Desmond groaned through his sleeves. 

Silence fell over the pair as the wind played a tune with the trees. The silence seemed to last an eternity as none of them did anything to break it. Shaun sat there and watched the other man and his stomach raised and fell with his breathing. 

“Eight-hundred,” Shaun finally said. Desmond removed his arms from his face and lifted his head to look at the Englishman. 

“What?” he asked, eyebrows pulled into a frown. 

“He’s been dead for eight-hundred years,” Shaun repeated. “Not a thousand.” 

Desmond shot him a death glare and sat back up. “You’re not fucking helping, Shaun,” he hissed. 

“Hey, you should know this! Especially since you’re so fucking caught up with him!” Shaun hissed back, whipping a hand to make a point. 

“Fuck you, Shaun,” Desmond then said, lifting a middle finger at the other man. Shaun would’ve sent that finger right back where it belonged but something in Desmond’s voice make the Englishman lower his weapons. 

Shaun sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. Fuck. He knew he needed to say something clever here but these kinds of talks were never his strong side. He thought for a while before eventually letting out a small groan. 

“Look, I’m sorry,” he said trying to sound a genuine as he could. He noticed Desmond turning to look at him before he continued. “You’re right, I don’t understand. I don’t know what it’s like to... Go through what you’re going through. But I do know what it’s like to miss someone.” He trailed off trying to think of what to say next 

“Listen, I know it’s hard. I really do. We’re all busting our asses to make sure this goes as pain free as possible. Rebecca’s working night and day on that bloody machine and Lucy is doing everything in her power to make sure that nothing happens to us. Needless to say, I carry a huge amount of the burden, being the historian and all that. But that doesn’t matter. The important thing is that we have each other and that all of are standing ready to help you if you need us, okay? All of us. You have to remember that, Desmond.” Shaun finally turned his head to look at Desmond. 

They sat like that for a while, just looking at each other, somehow finding reassurance in each other's eyes. Eventually Desmond turned his lips up into a small smile. 

“Yeah,” he said. ”You’re right,” 

Shaun was about to say something stupid like ‘of course I'm right’ when someone calling them made both of their heads turn. 

“Guys, I don’t know what you’re doing up there but Desmond really need to get inside now,” Rebecca called from the ground, a finger pointed towards the now rising sun. 

“Yeah, sorry Bec’, we’re coming in now,” Desmond called as he stood up. He offered a hand to Shaun who took it and pulled himself up as well. Together they walked to the edge of the roof where Desmond quickly climbed down. When he landed on the ground, he looked back up at Shaun who was still making his way down. 

“Do you want some help?” Desmond offered, to which Shaun flashed him his middle finger at told him to shut up. Desmond let of a small chuckle and waited patiently until Shaun had made it all the way down. The two of them followed Rebecca inside and just as Shaun was about to step inside, he felt a hand stop him from going any further. 

“Hey,” He heard Desmond say. When he turned around, he found himself face to face with Desmond who was grinning widely at him. He gave Shaun’s arm a little squeeze before saying; “Thanks, Shaun.” 

Before Shaun could say anything, Desmond let go of his arm and walked inside. Shaun stood there for a moment touching his arm where Desmond had touched it before pulling his lips into a small smile. 

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “You’re fucking welcome.”

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a review and lemme know what you think!


End file.
